You Know Me Walter

November 9th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:54:52 +0000

Sigh.

Yeah, the hot stove. Yeah, the post season awards. Yeah, the hall of fame vote. Yeah the Arizona Fall League.

Wait, that’s a lot. That’s a lot of cool stuff. I just needed to talk it out. You know me Walter, I just needed to talk it out.

Daylight, here I come. Let’s meet at the Orange Julius. Oh wait. I think it’s cold outside. Walter, if you want to come over, that would be better. I don’t want to risk dry skin.

November 4th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 19:38:17 +0000

Walter, I feel I have to apologize for yesterday. I know you said don’t worry about it, but I just feel poorly about crying in your lap for a half hour. It must have been a bad can of Mountain Dew or a rogue Twizzler. I mean my butt was wet, I felt lonely and I just needed to let it out.

I know, I know, I’ve already said all that yesterday. But, when Mom came down this morning and asked why you left with a big wet spot on your jeans, I had to apologize again. Not too sure what she thought, but she did clean the bathroom down here with particular gusto.

This could be the last night for baseball for a while. I’m a little scared. Deep breath. Out. No Mountain Dew today. No Twizzlers. Just wheat bread and organic peanut butter. I’ll be fine. It will work out in the end and I’ll get to see Pedro and Andy duel.

November 3rd – Darren

jtorrey13 — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 17:21:38 +0000

Walter. I’m shaking. A lot. Not sure if it is the sugar, the Mountain Dew or the excitement of post-season baseball. I’m having trouble sleeping. Daylight hurts my eyes. Can you come over and just sit with me for a while? Maybe discuss how inane Tim McCarver is? I just need a little help to get through today. This off-day. Where time suspends for hours and we sit in a morass of untamed morals and I think chicken cacciatore. My butt is wet and I don’t know why.

Please come by?

November 2nd – Darren

jtorrey13 — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:37:47 +0000

What day is it? Walter? I haven’t left my basement in…what day is it? I have been celebrating the game of baseball. (Fortunately I had a reserve of Twizzlers.) I know nothing else. Except that it may end soon.

Cliff Lee! Prolong this mighty matchup of two titans! Let us dance in the darkness created by pulled curtains and daylight savings time until, well, Thursday would be great.

October 30th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:35:16 +0000

I think I ate too much spaghetti. You know me Walter, I don’t know when to stop. My tum-tum has ached for the past four days. I’ve barely been able to eat a hot dog during each of the World Series game, not to mention a bag of peanuts and a 44 oz. Mountain Dew. I want every game to be like it is at the ballpark and you know me Walter, a game is not complete without a hot dog, peanuts, nachos, Mountain Dew and ice cream. But don’t mention that creamy goodness that is ballpark nacho cheese. My tummy can’t handle it. I shouldn’t have thought of it.

Oh crap, I gotta go. Fast.

Darren

October 26th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 19:31:14 +0000

You know me Walter, I love to gamble. Remember that bet that I took that my 9th level dwarf fighter could not best four gelatinous cubes on his own? Yeah, I know you do, because I took you out to Denny’s afterwards with my winnings. If there’s something better than Moons over My Hammys, I have yet to taste it. (You know that hyperbole is just about the Denny’s menu Walter. I know there are better things in the world. Like Lucky Charms with 2% milk.)

So, my bet, if you choose to accept it, is this: over/under 565. Which is the number of tweets, facebook updates or whatever that equate “coaching hitting” with “take a steroid”.

Gar.

Yes, that number was scientifically calculated and yes I do have a method for tracking such inanity. Do you want to bet or not?

I hate off days. Rain outs and off days always get me down.

October 22nd – Darren

jtorrey13 — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:04:21 +0000

So, Philadelphia returns. You know me Walter. I like new things. New briefs feel so good against my skin. New types of food, when they taste good, are wonderful. (Let’s not talk about green curry. Ever.) I like new episodes of “The Big Bang Theory”. I like new Sweet Spot posts by Rob Neyer. And how about kitties? They’re just like new cats.

There’s no question that the Philadelphia offense is a potent one and that Cliff Lee and Pedro will be fun to watch, but I can’t help feeling a little sad that this World Series won’t be more new. I wish the World Series was more like a brand new copy of “Y: The Last Man” after just reading the previous trade paperback and the whole story is fresh in my mind. At least the World Series won’t end in one night after four Mountain Dews.

October 21st – Darren

jtorrey13 — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 18:18:48 +0000

Walter, something is stuck in my craw. It is big and ugly and I think it has a stinging tail. Fortunately, my craw seems to be impervious to stinging tails. I have some research to do before I can evict this monstrosity and go back to being the happy go lucky guy that gets to eat spaghetti every day.

But, you know me Walter, I can’t go a day without a fun baseball fact. Here you go.

.299; .388; .563
.305; .390; .576

Yes, I know you already know and that the post season is still a small sample size, but for the love of Chicken McNuggets, Alex Rodriguez is not the best post season thing invented since Chicken McNuggets. (A world without McNuggets is not a world for me.) He is the same guy. Yes, he hit a dry spell. Now he’s over compensating as though he is 15 years older and driving an Aston Martin. I know, I know, you sing baritone and I sing tenor and I need to stop standing behind the pulpit and talking to you. (There has to be a shorter way to say that. Well and that doesn’t sound cliche.)

October 19th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 18:14:46 +0000

Did you see those game? Did you SEE those games? Did you see THOSE games? Did you see those GAMES? I tell you, it was better than having to only kill a lonely hobgoblin and finding a bag of holding. Remember that? Remember that? You know me Walter, that was one of my best Dungeons and Dragons moments ever and that’s saying a lot.

First Pedro. Then C.C. Then the thirteen innings. Then Cliff Lee. I will not stop eating spaghetti until this run of good pitching stops. Mom says that she’s going to stop making it, but you know me Walter, I got my mom in the palm of my hand. I’ve even convinced her to let me drink Mountain Dew with dinner. Life is so good.

But, just like the inevitable “Return of the King”, all good things must come to an end. I mean, there’s no way that Pettitte, Wolf, Weaver and Blanton can match their fellow dealers of death, can they? (A quick aside Walter, but can you imagine if C.C. Sabathia, Pedro Martinez and Cliff Lee were vampires? Wow. I mean, wow. They could walk down Main Street with a backpack full of baseballs and just knock people out from blocks away. Well, and they’d also have all the cool vampire powers. Wait. I don’t know if that would be a good thing. I don’t want to be a vampire. Or lunch.)

Cross your fingers Walter. I think today might be a bumpy ride in my quest to have spaghetti for the rest of my life. Just like Superman has Lois Lane, I have my meat sauce. I love meat sauce.

October 16th – Darren

jtorrey13 — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 17:34:22 +0000

Walter, do you know how excited I am? It’s like being asked to join the Legion of Super Heroes. Heff, heff, I’m ok. Today two of my favorite pitchers pitch. C.C. Sabathia pitches in the ALCS. C. C. A. L. C. S. Sure, he isn’t the same pitcher he was in 2007 when he posted a 5.65 K/BB ratio, which is still 50th best of all time, but he still had a fine year. I mean ERA+ of 133 is nothing to shake a power ring at. But, you know me Walter, I don’t think there is anything more important than the strikeout to walk ratio for determining a pitcher’s quality and when it comes down to that, there is no comparison to Pedro Martinez. P. E. D. R. O. M. A. R. T. I. N. E. Z. N. L. C. S. (Like how I did that? I think it’s called a ‘callback’. I spelled things twice. I think it adds emphasis. And you know me Walter, before you fire off a heated salvo, the ‘no comparison’ line is exaggeration, because Greg Maddux and Curt Schilling both have stretches that compare well. I know your Greg Maddux Spy Glasses you ordered from the back of Detective Comics #730 let you see through my hyperbole. And Jenny Parker’s dress. Heff. Heff. Heff. Heff.)

K/BB ratios for Pedro
1999 – 8.46 – 9th all-time
2000 – 8.88 – 6th all-time
2001 – 6.52 (not enough innings to qualify)
2002 – 5.98 – 42nd all-time

Ohboy, ohboy, ohboy. Gotta go. Less than two and a half hours before Pedro pitches and Mom has yet to make my spaghetti. She’s putting bacon in it. Bacon! Mom has a seventh sense when it comes to big baseball days.